This book changed my life.
I recommend it strongly! Go get it! Make time to read it! …if it resonates for you!
A big theme in the book is the importance of enthusiastic consent (agreeing and wanting sex with a big YES!) when it comes to sexy time. And if one person doesn’t want it, then sex doesn’t happen. This means that people actually need to communicate their desires to each other, rather than just assuming everything.
“…imagine a world where women enjoy sex on their own terms and aren’t shamed for it.”
~Yes means Yes!
After reading the book I found myself wondering if I even knew what sex was. After all, I had learned the not-so-eloquent “penis goes into vagina” definition growing up, and I held onto some aspect of this sparse anatomical description for sexual intercourse for a long time.
Now I think that sex can or might include genital contact, but also think that it must be more than that. What about spiritually: What is sex spiritually? What about emotionally: What is sex emotionally? And mentally: What is sex mentally? Physically: What is sex physically? What is sex for two female bodies, or two males? What defines sex between a male and female? Or different intersex bodies? Modified bodies? Or bodies without genitals? Can only certain bodies or couplings have sex? Or can everybody do it? Can you have sex by yourself, or is masturbation different from sex?
At Scarleteen’s post What’s Sex? it says:
“If we say someone is having sex, or doing something sexual, we mean they are acting from their own sexuality, looking to express it in action and/or to try and actively experience or explore a feeling of general or specific sexual desire, curiosity and/or satisfaction.”
This is from a very good online article, from an amazing web site: check it out. I’ll write more later…
We can also talk in the comments section below. Things to consider commenting on:
Have you had to navigate the “penis goes into vagina” definition at any point in your sexual experience including now? Have these words guided your sense of what sex is? Is it a helpful hint? A restrictive definition? Guilt ridden? Pressure causing? Have you had to reject these words? Something else?
Do you have a helpful definition for sex that goes beyond a clinical and prescriptive description of body parts?
Thanks! May you have a healthy pelvis!